Fail, but I'm Okay

...
Project F just FLOPPED
meaning it's done.
There is only so much you can do, ya know?
At least now I will be able to sleep well at night knowing that I did everything in my power to make this right and that nothing is my fault. That is really refreshing. actually, this whole this is sort of refreshing in the way that it makes me see how much I am capable of.

I have work in a few hours, that'll be the ultimate test. It's soooo hot outside I don't think there's much of a chance we won't be busy today. Oh well, maybe i'll get some tips. Or visitors!

Time to workout!

SUCCESS

Project F hit major pay dirt today!
I'm so excitedddd
No, you cant know what it is
[sorry]

Im reallllyyyy bored.
Wow, that is a horrible way to start a blog.
NEW START:
oh no i just reminded myself that registration for school is this monday. ahhhh nuuuuu!
I went to the gym for two hours today woooooo, a friend gave me a free three day pass. I hope he can get me a longer one so i can mooch a little more.
UNNGH. some people i just cant stand to talk to. they're just insufferable know-it-alls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! emphasis on the exclamation points.
Is it murder if you arent caught? justtt kidddingg
I feel like playing some more assassins creed, hhhmmmm
This blog is disappointing. whoops, speaking of disappointing, i spelled disappointing wrong.

yeah, so dairy queen has MINI BLIZZARDS.
http://dairyqueen.com/us-en/eats-and-treats/blizzard-of-the-month/
not that im a fatty or anything

homealone

i used to be OBSESSED with the home alone movies. Now, when i'm home alone, i hide in my room and pray that no one comes to kill me. speaking of which, i SWEAR i just heard the gate open. i'm frightened. maybe i should just creep back to bed and continue watching arrested development. BJ AND PARIS WILL PROTECT ME!

Yeah okay, I made more coffee. Thats when i blog the most. I wish i could not eat. Like just, stop eating.
I have to work tomorrow and its going to be hotter than the sun, which is bad. Also katrina and i are getting lunch [food] so thats something to look forward to. I need to work out some more. Insanity is collecting dust in my sisters room. Just the thought of those INSANE workouts makes me hungry. sigh, im hopeless. on the plus side, my hair feels very soft.

Project F is coming along nicely. I always win, usually. I've been hitting some speed bumps but today was good, I feel that significant progress was made. I might even take invasive action soon. mayyybeee. it all depends on how my self esteem is doing thursday.

School is going to start soon. I'm not ready. I always dread school starting but this time i am legitimately NOT READY.

STRESS STRESS STRESS

sometimes, i forget that other people have feelings. [that sounds worse than i meant for it to.] but karma will remind me.

annnndd back to arrested development and coffee

chewing on a bottle cap

I want to write a book! That is my biggest life ambition. Yes, yes i want to be successful and rich and yada yada but my life will never feel complete if i don't write [and publish] some kind of novel.

I've gained weight [as I just posted on twitter].
Also, im forgetting the names of my best friends because I never see them anymore. Been playin A LOT of sims lately.
Maybe thats why I'm having these random book writing urges, it's an effect of constant solidarity. Where are my parents anyway?!!

My dogs look really upset. No seriously, it looks like someone stole all of their bones.


ITS PAYDAY.

TODAY

I bought a blender, a desk, and a thermos.

I am going to the lake.

I assembled said desk [by myself!]

i had more to say, but just nevermind

UHH This makes me uncomfortable..

I think my parents read my blog.

STOP THAT PARENTS!!!

and im sick! I had to leave work early from a serious case of dizzyness meets vertigo. I'm also getting fatter. woo.

Ugh i need a break

coffee inspired

coffee is the best and worst thing all at the same time. i just love it! but the teeth in my mouth, that my parents spent tons of money perfecting, are slowly [quickly] starting to resemble corn...

does this make me ungrateful? IM NOT UNGRATEFUL, PARENTS!!! HEAR ME!

ah so much is happening so swiftly. I wish I had a magical button to slow down time. Of course, if i had the button it would cease to be magical. Like cell phones and computers! sorry thats the coffee.

and this is where something i wrote was deleted by myself because i decided it was stupid.

I feel so much better :]

so for every cup [HUGE cup] of coffee i drink, i will also drink an entire bottle of water for balance. actually i dont think this will help at all, i'll just really need to pee.

I wish i could remember how to be nice...

I want to be a person who can love limitlessly all the time but I have no idea how. I'm afraid to be nice, it makes me feel exposed and open to attacks of emotion. Im a very physical person, i make faces when i have no words and i hit when im mad. I cry easily [and i HATE that]. Im quick to anger but slow to kindness. My gift to forgive infinitely is pretty much the only godly trait i have going for me. My sense of humor is rude and sometimes hurtful and i deflect compliments and affection with humor or awkwardness. I have too many shields. It irks me because i know somewhere WAYYYYYYY down inside, im a good person, but no one sees that. Im afraid that if i give up my crude sense of humor and sarcasm and stop being mean then there will be nothing left to my personality. It's so much a part of who i am. I'm dani, and im brutally honest. I want to be nice, i used to be the sweetest little girl but the cold, evil world turned me into a fat rock. FAT. sorry. so friends, im sorry i insult you sometimes. parents, im sorry i lose my temper EVERYDAY.

MORE DELETED CONTENT WAS HERE

this is SOOO longgg

sorry its the coffee i swear its like drugs. speaking of coffee, my water bottle is now empty!

I want to find a person who will just GET me 100%

katrina, you come closest, but i cant even be my true self with you. I turn meaner and harsher because i think its expected. Im nice inside, i just have a lot of armor on.

the only solution i can think of is to pray to God for guidance and forgiveness

it may take time, but i know He wont disappoint

this is a lot deeper than i planned, but i feel at some level of peace now