Dear NETGEAR:
First, we would like to cordially congratulate you on maintaining the world’s most elusive Internet service. It’s not everyday that people find themselves so successfully extricated from society. You have done an exemplary service in causing us to get off of the computer. We might even go outside every so often, thanks to you! One user even reported losing three pounds of body weight because they began spending less time online after your installment. People are healthier; grades have improved, dogs are getting walked, more children are being fed, and all thanks to you! Thanks again for doing such a great service, NETGEAR!

Your Grateful Customers Everywhere