coffee inspired

coffee is the best and worst thing all at the same time. i just love it! but the teeth in my mouth, that my parents spent tons of money perfecting, are slowly [quickly] starting to resemble corn...

does this make me ungrateful? IM NOT UNGRATEFUL, PARENTS!!! HEAR ME!

ah so much is happening so swiftly. I wish I had a magical button to slow down time. Of course, if i had the button it would cease to be magical. Like cell phones and computers! sorry thats the coffee.

and this is where something i wrote was deleted by myself because i decided it was stupid.

I feel so much better :]

so for every cup [HUGE cup] of coffee i drink, i will also drink an entire bottle of water for balance. actually i dont think this will help at all, i'll just really need to pee.

I wish i could remember how to be nice...

I want to be a person who can love limitlessly all the time but I have no idea how. I'm afraid to be nice, it makes me feel exposed and open to attacks of emotion. Im a very physical person, i make faces when i have no words and i hit when im mad. I cry easily [and i HATE that]. Im quick to anger but slow to kindness. My gift to forgive infinitely is pretty much the only godly trait i have going for me. My sense of humor is rude and sometimes hurtful and i deflect compliments and affection with humor or awkwardness. I have too many shields. It irks me because i know somewhere WAYYYYYYY down inside, im a good person, but no one sees that. Im afraid that if i give up my crude sense of humor and sarcasm and stop being mean then there will be nothing left to my personality. It's so much a part of who i am. I'm dani, and im brutally honest. I want to be nice, i used to be the sweetest little girl but the cold, evil world turned me into a fat rock. FAT. sorry. so friends, im sorry i insult you sometimes. parents, im sorry i lose my temper EVERYDAY.

MORE DELETED CONTENT WAS HERE

this is SOOO longgg

sorry its the coffee i swear its like drugs. speaking of coffee, my water bottle is now empty!

I want to find a person who will just GET me 100%

katrina, you come closest, but i cant even be my true self with you. I turn meaner and harsher because i think its expected. Im nice inside, i just have a lot of armor on.

the only solution i can think of is to pray to God for guidance and forgiveness

it may take time, but i know He wont disappoint

this is a lot deeper than i planned, but i feel at some level of peace now