chewing on a bottle cap

I want to write a book! That is my biggest life ambition. Yes, yes i want to be successful and rich and yada yada but my life will never feel complete if i don't write [and publish] some kind of novel.

I've gained weight [as I just posted on twitter].
Also, im forgetting the names of my best friends because I never see them anymore. Been playin A LOT of sims lately.
Maybe thats why I'm having these random book writing urges, it's an effect of constant solidarity. Where are my parents anyway?!!

My dogs look really upset. No seriously, it looks like someone stole all of their bones.


ITS PAYDAY.

TODAY

I bought a blender, a desk, and a thermos.

I am going to the lake.

I assembled said desk [by myself!]

i had more to say, but just nevermind

UHH This makes me uncomfortable..

I think my parents read my blog.

STOP THAT PARENTS!!!

and im sick! I had to leave work early from a serious case of dizzyness meets vertigo. I'm also getting fatter. woo.

Ugh i need a break

coffee inspired

coffee is the best and worst thing all at the same time. i just love it! but the teeth in my mouth, that my parents spent tons of money perfecting, are slowly [quickly] starting to resemble corn...

does this make me ungrateful? IM NOT UNGRATEFUL, PARENTS!!! HEAR ME!

ah so much is happening so swiftly. I wish I had a magical button to slow down time. Of course, if i had the button it would cease to be magical. Like cell phones and computers! sorry thats the coffee.

and this is where something i wrote was deleted by myself because i decided it was stupid.

I feel so much better :]

so for every cup [HUGE cup] of coffee i drink, i will also drink an entire bottle of water for balance. actually i dont think this will help at all, i'll just really need to pee.

I wish i could remember how to be nice...

I want to be a person who can love limitlessly all the time but I have no idea how. I'm afraid to be nice, it makes me feel exposed and open to attacks of emotion. Im a very physical person, i make faces when i have no words and i hit when im mad. I cry easily [and i HATE that]. Im quick to anger but slow to kindness. My gift to forgive infinitely is pretty much the only godly trait i have going for me. My sense of humor is rude and sometimes hurtful and i deflect compliments and affection with humor or awkwardness. I have too many shields. It irks me because i know somewhere WAYYYYYYY down inside, im a good person, but no one sees that. Im afraid that if i give up my crude sense of humor and sarcasm and stop being mean then there will be nothing left to my personality. It's so much a part of who i am. I'm dani, and im brutally honest. I want to be nice, i used to be the sweetest little girl but the cold, evil world turned me into a fat rock. FAT. sorry. so friends, im sorry i insult you sometimes. parents, im sorry i lose my temper EVERYDAY.

MORE DELETED CONTENT WAS HERE

this is SOOO longgg

sorry its the coffee i swear its like drugs. speaking of coffee, my water bottle is now empty!

I want to find a person who will just GET me 100%

katrina, you come closest, but i cant even be my true self with you. I turn meaner and harsher because i think its expected. Im nice inside, i just have a lot of armor on.

the only solution i can think of is to pray to God for guidance and forgiveness

it may take time, but i know He wont disappoint

this is a lot deeper than i planned, but i feel at some level of peace now

I Want My Mommy [and thats when you know something is wrong]

We all make mistakes.

Right?

Oh please tell me I'm not the only one.

It's possible because I'm sure I make enough mistakes to cover for everyone who doesn't.

Can you just slap me, please? I NEED you to slap me.

I want to crawl back into bed and never look at another human being.

I need to go to church ...

NOW.

Scratch that, I want to go to church.

Oh Bother!

Yes, I realize that I have alredy posted a blog today but I had more to say, and when there's too much text in one blog it gets a little overwhelming.

Ever think of something totally brilliant and cunning that you want to share with the world that you forget in five seconds while still remembering that there was in fact something increbile you can no longer recall?

yeah that just happened.

There are only a few things in this world that I would never change. Here's a few of them:

postsecret.com

my hair color [until it turns gray...]

my height [shocking right? i really do love being taller than you]

the way laundry is warm and soft right after you take it out of the dryer

how it feels to be hugged for real

the pain from sunburns

my being a girl [its sad that i need to say this one]

summers at the lake with best friends

SURPRIZE!!

Thats right! this is me, blogging twice in one month!
I had work today, which got me thinking, HOW am I poor while having this stupid job [actually i have the best job ever]?! If im going to work and not have any money at the end of the week then i am right back to where i started and doing the work was pointless and a waste of time! all i buy is food anyway!
TACO BELL!
Thus my new diet, quit my job and stop working.

wait, no that would never work i must have a job! i must have burritos!

man i need cash.